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The Day I Quit the Job I Haven't Started Yet

Yes, you have heard it right. It was a homebased online English tutorial which I applied for a week ago. As I have undergone the interview and training, I felt happy and at the same time anxious. I also feel bad after my final teaching demonstration with my Chinese student, not because I didn't do well but because she act more superior than I am during class discussion & she evaluates me after (aside from hating Chinese authorities from claiming Spratly and West Philippine sea, NAH! Blame my patriotism with our country). A sign from which I ingnored since it is part of her job and mine, too.

So there you go, I had been more anxious since my daughter went to and from my lightning while having a video class. To the point that I got angry at her, spank her to the fullest and blame her for reason I do not know. Least thing I know is that I realize how wrong I am. That it is hard to seperate work from mommy duties if you have a boss and if you are working at home.

Then I am finally into the exam part where I need to pass the exam in order to go to the last step. I even reviewed all parts, been anxious waiting for the call. Then when the call came, there was a good news - I am one of those who passed! I felt happy! I feel ecstastic about it.

But as days go by, I feel unwelcomed by the team I am with. Everything was going smoothly at first, then at the last part, I thought they will welcome me wholeheartedly and I was wrong. I feel unwelcomed and I haven't felt sincerity in the tone of the team leader I have talked with. Establishing rapport with your teammate is essential especially when working and or communicating online.

I have been thinking why am I unmotivated. Why I feel tardy. I am I sad inspite of having landing one of the best homebased job according to them. I have been thinking about it for 2 weeks. I was then stuck on how unsure I am to land in that job and why I will do it. I haven't realized it; not until now.



It was my patriotism. Yeah, blame my patriotism! I have thought that enhancing those students will bring me fortune to feed my family on a short span of time but.. there is a but, and it is a scary one. The long term effect is that my children and grandchildren will be left behind by those foreigner. It's like I am depriving their good fortune, their chance,.. as if I am taking away their only hope.

I don't have money, don't have a job. Look at me, I am happy for I now know the purpose of my life. That is to serve the country, to mold a better version of myself thru my Filipino students.

This is the effect of quitting a job I haven't started yet.


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